Day 68: Trying

I am trying. I always have been. Trying to do something new. Something out of my comfort zone. Trying to grow. Like a lot of people, I want growth. I do not want stagnancy. But that’s what the past 3 years have felt like to me. Stagnant. All these years I always had a plan. All I had to do was follow through. There were challenges, things that got in between. But I had a plan, you know? That gave me some solace.

This is the first time in my life, that I actually didn’t make a plan. I didn’t make a checklist in a timeline with deadlines. I did not try to control the unknowable future. It’s been going well so far. I’ve just been doing things. But I did end up making a to-do list again. With a timeline. With deadlines. I don’t know how that’s going though. I’ve been taking it easy, at least that’s what I think.

Today I tried something new again. I tried sharing. More than I usually do. Way more. It actually went better than I would’ve thought.

I’m gonna be sharing. It’s not going to be easy for me. I underestimate things. I overestimate things too. Sometimes my estimates are very accurate. Sometimes they’re way off. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. But I do think I know what I want. What gives me solace is that Elon Musk once said he had no idea wtf he was doing back then either. I honestly don’t think he still does. I think he’s just doing whatever he wants, too.